It’s slightly bizarre to blog about my pregnancy loss in this schizophrenic blog, but I suppose this is as good a place as any. At about 16 weeks, my quad screen came back with an elevated risk for Trisomy 18. I won’t explain what Trisomy 18 is here, except to say that there is a very short life expectancy for a baby with Trisomy 18. We hoped the ultrasound would tell us that the screening teset was nothing. But it was something. So we left the hospital last Friday, no longer pregnant.
This pregnancy started out so promising. I felt good. I thought it would be easy this time. But I soon felt tired, sick and generally crappy. I’m clearly terrible at being pregnant. Was this my body warning me that something was wrong? Wouldn’t that be a somewhat comforting answer. But there is no evidence that’s the case. It’s just as likely that I’m terrible at pregnancy, regardless of the outcome.
I am afraid to do this again. To feel sick. To risk a repeat of what we just went through. To not feel well enough to play with my child. To develop pre-eclampsia. For things to go wrong in some new way I haven’t even imagined.
2 Responses to “When Things Go Wrong”
Oh, honey. I just clicked over here after seeing your Tweet and read about your loss. I’m so sorry. That sucks and it shouldn’t have happened to you.
Thanks, Carrie. We’re hanging in there and getting through it day by day. What else can you do, ya know?